oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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