I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Panties = found
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