maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
