My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
