we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
