been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
