I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
