I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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