I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
