Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
