In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't deserve a penis
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
