I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
