omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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