I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
