Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
