is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
