I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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