Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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