Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Even my vagina gasped.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
