A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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