Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
