he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
