Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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