I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize
