In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
