umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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