Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
