Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
