I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
