Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
