Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
