so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
