Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
