Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I want a musical about memes.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
