Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Me too!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Randomize
