Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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