I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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