i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
