She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
