How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
