I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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