He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
