I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
