You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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