Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
