Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
