dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just high enough for therapy.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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