As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
