Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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