Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
