yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
