She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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