Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
