Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
