So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
