Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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