your thong is hanging out like whoa
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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