We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
