I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
