Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
