oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
