please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
