you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
