got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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