So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
