Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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